Motivation Isn’t the Problem
📙 A chapter excerpt from my book, Unfussy Life & a special birthday deal.
The following is an excerpt from my 2021 published book, Unfussy Life: An Intuitive Approach to Navigating Change.
Photos added are for fun and not in the original publication.
📙
During a trip to Boston for one summer with the family, we noticed a crowd outside the famous downtown Granary Burying Ground. The kids were fascinated with the signs for cemeteries and ghost tours. They wanted to know if they were haunted. They also amused us with questions like, “Is everyone in there dead?”
Tentatively I answered, “I think so.”
Walking past the graveyard, I felt a pang of curiosity as I recalled a quote from Die Empty, by Todd Henry:
“The most valuable land in the world is the graveyard. In the graveyard are buried all of the unwritten novels, never-launched businesses, unreconciled relationships, and all of the other things that people thought, ‘I’ll get around to that tomorrow.’ One day, however, their tomorrows ran out.”
Dying empty doesn’t mean literally emptying yourself every single day. It’s about getting your best work out of you, living in a way you feel good about, and slipping under the covers with a happy, shit-eating grin every day.
Did these people die empty? This is also where Paul Revere and Samuel Adams are buried. Did they die empty? Did they have ideas and dreams inside of them that never saw the light of day before they were laid to rest?
Then, my curiosity turned to sadness as I thought about the possible magnitude of the unfulfilled potential in the graveyard. That curiosity rang through my mind for the rest of the day. How many people did I pass on the street (especially in Boston’s financial district, with all the scrunched up, serious faces) who aren’t doing what they want to be doing? How many people have a half-written book that they haven’t touched in a year, or ten? How many people have something important to say to someone but are too scared? How many people are afraid to be vulnerable? Are they living in fear of being judged?
When I used to climb into bed feeling dissatisfied at the end of every day, I’d wake up with an even greater sense of dread with the buzz of the morning alarm.
Ugh. What’s the point? As I switched off the alarm and thought about all the things I needed to do that day, my mind raced — racing nowhere and spinning my wheels on a train that was speeding toward the light at the end of the tunnel.
When my train gets to the end of the tunnel of light, I wondered if I would feel good about my life or feel full of regrets.
It was after I read Die Empty that I wrote my first mini-book. I wrote it like a speed demon in just two months. I wrote it like I desperately had a message to get out. I’m glad I did it, and I’m very proud that I made it happen (even if many of my opinions from that time have changed). If I hadn’t read Die Empty, I might still be boring my friends by saying, “I’d love to write a book someday.” (And you might not be holding this one in your hands now).
I don’t want to die with all my best ideas in my head. I don’t want to die with half a dozen unfinished book projects. I want to die knowing I did my damn best to empty out. Get it out into the world even if it sucks — even if everyone hates it. Even if all my ideas and opinions change.
When staring down a big project, our thoughts can run wild:
I need more motivation.
I’m not motivated.
If I could just find the motivation.
I need to find the willpower.
Where the heck do you get motivation and willpower?
Those were the problems I thought I had when I was first struggling to start my own business. But it turned out I had a much bigger problem — I was doing all the wrong things.
In my life and in my work.
By sitting around thinking about a hummus business instead of taking a single step toward creating a business — any business — I was showing myself that I wasn’t serious. If it really mattered, I would have started that business, done the thing, showed up, and stood out. Eventually, I did, and while I hung out in no-man’s-land for many years, my only regret was that I didn’t take imperfect action sooner.
Now, I know I’m on the right track because I’ve made a bigger promise to myself to die a little emptier, and I go to bed most nights with a smile. Hands on my heart, I smile and think, “Holy shit, this is my life. Thank you.”
In the three-ish years it took to write and finish this book, I can tell you that when I wasn’t working on it, I was thinking about it and feeling deep regret for ignoring it. It was only during the months of focused writing, rewriting, and editing that I felt immensely satisfied. Even when the words felt funky and the sentences tedious, I felt aligned and completely congruent in my work and life values.
Dig deeper into why you haven’t done the things that keep you up at night. You’re getting these nudges for a reason.
What do you need to do right now, today, or this week, so you can die just a little emptier?
Do that.
🎉 My Birthday Week Gifts to you!
In honor of my birthday week, both of my books are on a special Kindle countdown Promo from September 20 through 24, 2023.
Happy birthday week Jacq! 🧁🧁🧁 My question: was that coffee cup stain actually part of the first unfussy cover design? Brilliant either way!!