Losing the Weight of Limiting Labels

How the labels we use on ourselves and others create an either/or world.

Photo by Mockup Free on Unsplash

Have you ever paused to consider the labels you use on yourself?

What about the labels you project toward others?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My first invitation to look back at the labels we use probably goes back to the 2016 U.S. Presidential election.

If you've ever wondered where you fit in, feeling like political parties, networking groups, and even things we use to "classify" ourselves never feel quite right, you're not alone.

In 2023, when I published my book, Intuitive Writing, and simultaneously launched my author and speaker website, I freshened up my bio.

I had a couple of labels in there:

• Introvert

• INFJ (Myers-Briggs)

I asked a few people for feedback on my bio (writers need editors, too!) and one person suggested I drop the labels because they could be limiting.

Now, I don't see either of these labels as “good” or “bad.” From a purely marketing perspective, 95% or more of my clients have taken a Myers-Briggs personality test and fall into one of these categories: INFJ, ENFJ, INFP, ENFP. Occasionally, an INTJ will be drawn to working with me. I sense it's because they want to balance their T (thinking) with F (feeling). I digress.

That's just one test. And there are 16 Myers-Briggs personality types.

You've also got your Ennegrams, Archetypes, Tendencies, Astrology, Human Design… I could go on. Then there are other labels we hear a lot these days, too, like neurodiverse, ADD, and ADHD, or calling yourself a "procrastinor," "too sensitive," "bad with money," or "old."

Do you notice how some people point to their labels to excuse themselves for why they can or can't do things?

Something I've always avoided: Using any label as an "excuse" — especially for bad behavior. I see it ALL the time. With all of the labels and classifications we happily don on ourselves.

"I'm a Virgo, so I'm a perfectionist."

"I'm scatterbrained because I'm an ENFP."

"I can't finish my writing project because I'm a Manifesting Generator."

Two questions if you sense that you do this:

1. Do the labels you use support or hinder your actions?

2. Are you identifying with your label?

My identity as a former Management Consultant was stripped away when I was laid off for the first time in 2009. It turned out that it would happen twice more in the next five years. Oof.

One of the greatest lessons from being let go (x3) was that I am not my job.

Just like today, I call myself a writer, author, and coach because it's language we all understand, but I am NOT those things.

I write.

I author books.

I coach entrepreneurs.

I have kids.

I have a husband.

I hold two passports.

If we go back to the three examples of limiting language I just shared, let's look at these without identifying with them:

"I'm a Virgo, so I'm a perfectionist." → "I have some perfectionist tendencies."

"I'm scatterbrained because I'm an ENFP." → "Sometimes, I'm slow to organize my thoughts."

"I can't finish my writing project because I'm a Manifesting Generator." → "I'll finish this project when I focus on it. I like to focus on a few things at a time to keep things fresh."

Do you see the difference?

Do you FEEL the difference?

One set of statements feels limiting, while the other is empowering. The second statement in each line offers a possibility.

Not only are we limiting ourselves, which feels safer, but we can also beat others to their imposed limits on us. And others will label you, too.

I was thinking about this recently in the context of God, when I felt that just because I wanted to be in a room with people who loved God more than the new age (which is where some things like astrology and yoga often lead), I still felt projected on.

This led me to list all the labels and assumptions projected onto me. The list is long and illuminating.

Nowhere else do we see this stronger than in the U.S. Political parties. Being a naturalized U.S. citizen and voting in my first election (the 2016 one), I was confused: "What do you mean there are only two choices for President?" Liberal vs. Conservative, Democrat vs. Republican. “What if I don't like either box?”

Labels promote duality.

And duality is a myth. It's not either-or. Media (including social) thrives on this — it gets views and ratings. But what if you step outside the duality matrix?

I don't fit into a box, and you probably don't either. Unless you want to. A box can make people feel safe.

Here's a mind and heart-opening list. See where you may have judged someone in the past, or are even judging now:

• God-believing, not Catholicism or Christianity

• Jesus-loving AND spiritual, not religious

• Prayer, not church

• Natural health, not weed

• Astrology, not witchcraft

• Intuition, not oracle cards or tarot

• Yoga, not reiki

• Crystals, not voodoo

• Energy, not new age

• Chakras, not sorcery

• Soft, not a lack of boundaries

• Divine Feminine, not feminist or man-hating

• Divine Masculine, not alpha males

• Nurturing mother, not a helicopter

• Money-loving, not greedy

• Married, not trapped

• Vegan, not leftist

• Artist, not flake

• Writer, not struggling

• Rest, not lazy

Maybe you're judging right now. Maybe you're racing to find the unsubscribe button because something I said goes against what you believe (it’s at the bottom).

Did anything on this list trigger you? Or did you nod along?

If triggers came up, this is great. Our triggers reveal where wounds still exist and need healing.

Do you see the duality in this list? And how, by taking on any label based on duality, do you become part of it?

Ho'oponopono, an ancient Hawaiian healing technique, tells us that everything we see outside ourselves that we don't like is a call to look INSIDE.

Read that again.

Dislike something? Where do you need to look inside?

What do you dislike?

Where are you making assumptions?

Where are you putting me (or anyone) in a box that I (or they) never asked to be put into?

Where are you putting yourself into a box to feel seen, heard, and understood?

An illuminating practice:

1. When consuming news, including what your online network shares, ask yourself, “Are they promoting a duality (either/or thinking)?”

2. And then, consider, could the sole purpose of focusing on a duality be to get my energy focused on this?

3. This question is key. Where is your energy going? Are you reacting emotionally? Are you witnessing a trap?

I know this can be a tricky topic, and looking inside can be uncomfortable. Blaming is so much easier.

Looking inside, though, is the ONLY way the healing happens.